Finally Back to Work

So after 7 weeks off the journey comes to an end and I am back to work. I wasn't sure what to expect on my return. I knew there would be a lot of questions. People want the latest gossip and the reason for my LOA was kept a secret. A lot of people did just welcome me back which was nice... but other people wanted the real story. I wouldn't say I lied about it... but I wasn't entirely honest either. I wasn't about to go into the whole self-injury aspect. I didn't feel it was any of their business. Pretty soon it will quiet down and go back to normal. I hope any ways. And now that I am back to work I think I can stop updating this page. Unless, of course, something happens at work in the near future.

Back to Work

Well the visit with the psychiatrist was fun. Gotta love misinformation. He was not told that I was off work or that I needed him to clear me. I was not told that their recommendation had been counselling with either the EAP counsellor or the Women's Health Center. Guess they left that part out when prescribing the medication. Too busy giving me Zoloft and Benzo's to mention that. The visit lasted all of 20 minutes. He did not feel I was in crisis and didn't think there was any reason for me not to return to work. Didn't evn have to discuss recent (or well I guess they're not recent ay more) events. But he did give me the note to return to work. So I am good to go. I just have to talk to Karen and get a schedule for next week. But finally some good news. :o)

The Fun Never Stops

I'm beginning to wonder if this nightmare is ever going to end. I needed Dr. Caskey to fill out a medical certificate so that I could claim my EI. He was on vacation and then was slow returning it to me so the deadline came and instead of money I have to continue to wait. 6 weeks without a paycheque is a long time... and now I get to wait some more while they review the certificate and make a decision. If they agree with the claim then I'll get the money and if not then I'll have to appeal and wait at least another month. Can't anything go smoothly?

The finances continue to stress me out. Th joys of having bills to pay, and rent and no idea when I will actually have money. I am beginning to wonder which will come in first... EI or my next pay cheque from work.

For anyone that is intersted my appointment with the psychiatrist was canceled. Apparently, there was an emergency and it had to be rescheduled. At least it will still be this week. I am hoping to be back at work next week. We'll see if that holds up.

Still trying to focus on the positves... but the lies, the hassles, and the blacmail have left a bitter taste in my mouth.

The Good Doctor

Talk about a screwed up week... I was going through chronotherapy and really changing all my sleep patterns. As that was ending I was back at the doctor to change my medication. Most of the time I just felt off... I did't know if I was coming or going.... That was tough. Glad it's done and over with. I am also happy to be off the Benzodiazapines. I didn't like the effect they had or the fact I couldn't sleep without them.

I am still fighting the good doctor Caskey to get the medical certificate and am running out of time. I drove back to Lakefield today to see if he was in. He wasn't... hadn't been in since Tuesday. At least the nurse there was willing to call him and home and let him know that I needed it done immediately. Looks like I will be heading back out there on Monday to see if he has it so that I can taking it in to EI and hopefully get my money soon.

Monday I also have to call the emergency dentist and get an appointment. See if the tooth is abcessed or what's going on. Looks like Monday will be a busy day. Then on Wednesday I'll be seeing the psychiatrist. Maybe I'll take the percocets before I go in for that visit. Might make the experience more enjoyable. *lol* Okay so stoned is not the best way to go.

Health

Performance issues at work and handing over a knife are the two events that started this leave of absence. For the first three weeks there was a great deal of anger and frustration over what happened and how it has been dealt with. After a month I was still in the same spot I was in when I left. I was exhausted and had no energy at all. The second month has been focused on my health and getting that back. I haven't been healthy in a very long time but have been spending more time working on that and am starting to notice the results.

The first positive step was actually finding a family doctor. Even if it means travelling out of town for medical care it was still what I needed. Nothing wrong with a road trip any ways. And now he is referring me to a rheumatologist for treatment. So that wil be taken care of. Been 4 years since anyone was treating the fibromyalgia and there is hope on the horizon.

The second positive step came when I saw the chiropractor last week. I was in rough shape. I was sleeping 12 hours a day and did not feel rested. I had to take the Benzodiazapines just to sleep and the energy level just wasn't there. She reminded me that I really needed iron so I talked to a pharmacist and increased my iron intake. The results were pretty quick. It didn't take long before I saw the effects. I had more energy and my mind didn't feel clouded. I was starting to see the old me return.

The last positve step has been the chronotherapy. Since I was a teenager I have had phase delayed sleep disorder. For the first time ever I am trying to do something to combat that. I'm not sure what the final results will be but it is another step in getting myself healthy and able to work at 100%.

Now I just need to be cleared to go back to work. Hopefully that will happen next week. It's been a long couple of months but things are definitely starting to work in my favour. Once my health is at 100% then I just need to work on ym self-confidence and not doubting myself. But one step at a time.

Boredom

It's really tough to find things to keep you busy at 5:30 in the morning. I must admit that chronotherapy is really tough on the body on the body and the mind. I definitely haven't been really productie over the last couple of days. Fatigue is playing a factor. It's not the same as it was before where my mind was just exhausted. I think it's just a war with my body right now. For me it is definitely not natural to be awake at this time and my whole schedule has been thrown off. It's weird when your whole focus is on being awake for the 19 hours before you go to bed. It's not that I am lacking energy to do anything like it has been in the past. The iron is definitely making a difference. The hard part just seems to be the timing factor. At 7:00 a.m. I'll be having lunch. That just seems really odd to me. But I only have 2 more days to get through. Today should be a little easier since I have the doctor's appointment tonight. Driving to Pickering for it and then coming back will get me through the end of the night. The last three hours are by far the hardest. All you want to do is go to bed and get some sleep but you have to push past it. You focus on the goal and move forwards. Yesterday was incredibly tough. I just wanted to go to bed and really had to force myself to stay awake. But correcting my sleep patterns is what it's all about. This might be one of the only chances I have to try and put my circadian rhythms back to what is considered "normal." And as tough as it is I just have to make it through 2 more days like this. Step 1 in getting my health back to where I want it to be.

Energy Level

Some days you overlook the simple answer... been fighting this fatigue for a very long time now. I was at the chiropractor's the other day and she thought the medication might be blocking the absorption of iron. So I was off to Shoppers and was speaking with the pharmacist there. She recommended an iron supplement (ferrous sulphate) that has 60 mg of elemental iron. Recommended one a day and then increasing that to 3 a day. I had already been taking a lower dose of iron so I figured I'd just increase the dose. All I can say is wow... did that ever make a difference in energy level. I was working on Adam's computer... or well Steve was working on Adam's computer and the next thing I know is that it's 1:30 a.m. and I'm not even tired. I was working on reimporting all my CDs... even started reading "A Bright Red Scream" again. Went to bed at noon today. No medication needed... got some ZZZs... am currently working on chronotherapy to see if I can get my circadian rhythms back to where they should be. Been up for 9 hours and while I haven't been doing all that much I still notice a big difference in energy levels. If it wasn't 4:40 a.m. I'd actually go for a walk or something. Plus it's cold out there. So I am just going to finish work on my computer... grab a shower... watch some TV... and will be passing out at around 3 p.m. today. But until Tuesday I hadn't even thought that this might be caused by my anemia. I guess time will tell on that one. For now... at least I feel better and have more energy.

Overmedicated

I went to the chiropractor's again yesterday. She seemed a little concerned about the fact I was sleeping for 12 hours a day. I can't imagine why that would be a concern. She also felt that the medication was affecting muscle tone. She said that my left side has never been so bad. Charlene was wondering if the medication was blocking the intake of iron and making the anemia worse. She's hoping that when I go back to the doctor's on Monday he will do some blood work or make some recommendations at least. Until then I am taking more iron to see if it helps with the level of fatigue.

I'm really starting to rethink the whole use of medication. I can't sleep unless I take the medication and it's still not restful sleep. Benzodiazapines are controlled substances and you are not supposed to take them every night. Nothing like having the doctor give me a new addiction... helping or hindering me... I'll let you decide your opinion on that one.

Medical Records

I contacted the UWO yesterday about getting my medical records sent to the doctor. They told me all I needed to do was fax in a request with my student number and exactly what information was required and who it was to be sent to. As long as it was documented and signed then it would not be a problem to get it to the doctor. So some more good news in my world. They also didn't mention any type of fees... possibly because I wasn't requesting a personal copy but was requesting my medical records be released to the family physician. Now I just need to make the follow-up appointment so I can get my treatment changed and start to get better. Then I'll be able to return to work and might actually be 100%.

First Do No Harm

It is a widely held belief that the statement "First, do no harm" comes from the Hippocratic oath. It actually doesn't. But... in Hippocrates writing he does say "The physician must be able to tell the antecedents, know the present, and foretell the future - must mediate these things, and have two special objects in view with regard to disease, namely, to do good or to do no harm. The art consists in three things - the disease, the patient, and the physician. The physician is the servant of the art, and the patient must combat the disease along with the physician."

So why am I bringing up Hippocrates? Well there is the fact that doctors killing patients is generally not good practice. *lol* I'm still thinking back to the treatment I have received over the last month. The first doctor I saw didn't believe fibromyalgia was real and rather then doing any blood work or tests referred me to a psychiatrist believing I was just depressed. Off to the hospital I went. Spent about a half hour with the nurse and saw the psychiatrist long enough to write a prescription for Zoloft. The Zoloft put my physical health and mental health at risk. So much for "do no harm." The second time I was at the hospital to see a psychiatrist they changed the medication to a benzodiazepine. Once again I saw the psychiatrist basically long enough to write a prescription. But benzo's tend to be highly addictive and only good for short term treatment of insomnia. Since this is a chronic condition not the ideal medication. Now I can't sleep without it. I know you are not supposed to take it continuously but every time I don't take it I end up not being able to sleep at all... I toss and turn all night. When I wake up I am restless and exhausted. When I was at the doctor's yesterday he indicated that this is prety normal. Back to "do no harm." Is it a wise idea to prescribe an addicitve medication when you have spent 5 minutes with the patient? There are other medications that are less addictive and used for treating insomnia... or they could've used a mild anti-depressant. I feel worse then I did when I started the LOA. The good news is that my new doctor will be changing the medication when I go back. The reason for not changing the medication already is that he wants the medical report from London so that he can be sure that Trazodone is the right course of actual. Finally, a doctor that is following Hippocrates advice.

I'm like many people... I took health care for granted. I had a family doctor when I was younger and then went to Western for university. I had great medical care during my 4 years there. The doctors were always willing to investigate the physical complaints and refer me when necessary. I knew nothing of the physician shortage until I moved to Peterborough. Then it became hard to get treatment since the only options were the walk-in clinic and the ER. I still remember when I had the flu. I lost 20% of my body weight and ended up at the ER twice. The second time I was hoping to be admitted since I was down to 70 pounds. Their recommendation was to eat fatty foods, especially from McDonalds. Took me 4 months to recover and I lost the semester at school.

Socrates once said "Know thyself." When it comes to the medical profession I think that should be extended to "Know your patient." Anyone with a family physician consider yourself extremely fortunate, especially if they are close to home. Right now, in Peterborough, approximately 20,000 people are without a family doctor. That's about 1/4 of the population. I know it's impossible for the doctor to really know the patient and their history when they're not the family physician. But I would compare it to russian roulette healthcare. As the patient, you never know what you're going to get. You could get a doctor that really wants to look into it for you... or you could get the wrong diagnosis... wrong treatment.... Take the last month for example. A month later I am still extremely fatigued, low on energy, and need Benzo's to get some ZZZs. Not a good place to be... Then again, I'm not even sure what the psychiatrist is treating me for... do they think it's depression? Do they think it's just insomnia? No one has really told me anything... aside from the new family doctor any ways.

Now back to Hippocrates... "to do good or to do no harm."

Step in the Right Direction

Ever since I started on the leave of absence I just wanted to return to work. Yesterday, I realized that I am in no condition to return to work. I started thinking about just how exhausted I am. I kept being told not to use being tired as an excuse. Unfortunately, it was the truth. Think about how you feel when you don't get much sleep... how irritable you are. Then think about that lasting for an extended period of time. This has been going on for over a year now. If I went back now I would be in the same position as when I left. That isn't beneficial to anyone.

Today I was thinking about how different things would be if I had received appropriate medical treatment from the beginning. It's been a month now and there is no change. But if they had started with the Fibromyalgia and the fatigue then I'd be in better shape now and might even be ready to return to work. Better yet... not said that Fibromyalgia is a symptom of a psychiatric disorder and then turned me away. As a result I will be off work for an extended period of time and a month later I am still right where I started.

On the way to the doctor today we were looking for a sound card. After a couple of stores and no luck we ended up at the first place I had thought of on the way, Best Byte in Whitby. Picked up the sound card and just have to install it now. The Gateway computer is gradually becoming anything but. Okay not quite... but the DVD-ROM will be removed for the I/O port on the card. Hopefully soon I will also be adding in the 2 serial drives. On the way home tonight we also picked up another keyboard and mouse (not that I really needed another set since we seem to have a collection) but it came with a free copy of Quick Tax and cost less then buying the software. Good deal in my world.

But now for the important part... the doctor's appointment. As of right now I have a family doctor again. Okay, so driving to Pickering is a bit of a pain, especially since I don't drive. But it's a start. So, what did the doctor say? I'll start with what he didn't say. He did not say that Fibromyalgia is in my head. Finally, I didn't feel marginalized. Now, since it was a first visit it was more of a meet and greet. But he admitted that he wouldn't treat fibromyalgia. Now that statement makes it seem pretty hopeless. In reality it gave me a lot of hope. The reason he said he wouldn't treat it is because he doesn't know enough about it to treat it properly. So rather then play russian roulette healthcare he is going to refer me to a rheumatologist for treatment. So that was great news. He wants me to contact UWO about getting my medical records so that the bloodwork will not need to be redone. The only information he wants is the notes made by the rheumatologist the first time around. That way treatment can be effective. Gives me something to do tomorrow. Once the records are sent to him it will be time to come back in for a follow-up appointment. At that point he also wants to switch up the medication. He did not agree with me being put on Oxazapam but did not want to change medications until he saw the medical records to see if there was a legitimate reason for a benzodiazapine. Assuming there is nothing in the records he wants me on Trazodone. Apparantly, it's not so good as an anti-depressant but seems to work well for restoring stage 4 sleep. It also seems to work for the pain as well. Overall, it was a good thing.

Tomorrow I will be calling my alma matter about my medical records. I'm not sure what that will cost me but I need it for treatment. Hopefully, it only takes a couple of weeks to get the records to the doctor. Then I'll be back in and eventually off to see a rheumatologist.

As far as work goes... for now I am leaving that side of things to Dr. Caskey. That may sound odd to anyone reading this. At the moment I am not ready to go back to work and since Dr. Caskey was the initial physician he is the one I need to write the medical certificate indicating when I was off work and why. The hard part is that Dr. Caskey is on vacation and can't sign the certificate so it may be 6 weeks before I have any money from EI. The alternative is going to spend some more time in the ER to see the psychiatrist again. Without knowing the complete story I didn't want to put Dr. McLean in the position of determining my fitness to return to work. My goal in going there was to get the treatment for the Fibromyalgia. Well that and getting a family doctor. It was a gamble either way. I figured my better call was to begin the process of being treated for the Fibromyalgia and let the psychaitrist be the one to clear me to return to work. Hopefully by the time I see the psychiatrist I will have already begun treatment with the trazodone. Time will tell how this plays out. The important thing is that I will be treated for the fibromyalgia. :o)